In July of 2056, the pregnant Lena went out long enough to have lunch at Dr. Kynon’s house. Th following transcribed conversation pretty much summarizes how Lena felt about this whole pregnancy thing.
"What’s wrong? Nothings wrong, Riyan. What makes you ask?"
"Simple. You’ve been staring into you glass for five minutes and you didn’t even respond to my question until I asked it a third time."
"Oh." Lena blushed slightly and shifted in her chair attempting to find a more comfortable position.
"I’m just concerned, you’re not quite yourself today. But if you don’t want to talk about it, I’ll let the subject drop."
"Talk about what? Nothing’s wrong. My life couldn’t be nay more perfect."
"Oh?" Riyan raised his eyebrow, waiting for elaboration.
Lena spoke slowly "I’ve got a beautiful home, good friends, a handsome, loving husband, and we are expecting our first child in a few weeks. Shel is a joy to be around, and is going to be a terrific ‘big sister’ for Carissa. I’ve found a big brother of my own who, I really like. I’ve been successful enough that I don’t have to worry about money for the rest of my life and no one has tried to kill me in almost seven months. What more could a person ask for?"
"Good question. So, what’s the answer?"
"I don’t know." Lena took a sip of her drink, watching the swirls and eddies that flowed around the ice cubes. A moment or two of silence lumbered by, then she continued speaking.
"Yesterday I got my homeowner’s insurance bill. My rate dropped. Apparently, since it has been over six months since my house last caught on fire, I am no longer considered to be a ‘very high’ risk. Between the lack of explosions, the security system, the bullet-proof glass, and the ‘improved economic forecast’ of my neighborhood, they have reclassified me as a ‘moderate risk.’ (Note: Lena was reclassified again as a high risk after Carissa’s Christening Picnic.) I should be excited. I’ve put a lot of work into trying to make the apartment into a safe home for Carissa. Still, there is some part of me that simply hates the idea of my life being safe.
I don’t understand why I am having such a hard time adjusting to the idea of being an average, normal wife and mother. Daniel has taken to it like a duck to water: I feel more like a cat treading water than a duck, and retirement was my idea."
Lena took another sip of her drink and resettled in her chair, seeking to ease the strain caused by her swollen belly. "Maybe it is just being pregnant. I don’t remember feeling like this before March."
Riyan looked at Lena, capturing her eyes with his own steady gaze. "There were a lot of changes in your life around then."
"The Wedding?" Lena considered the idea for a few minutes. "Maybe. That could be a part of it. Before we got married, Daniel and I tried not to get in each other’s way. For all that we were living in the same apartment, we were living very separate lives - at least as far as the major decisions were concerned. I’ve never answered to anyone before; had to consider someone else’s feelings before I acted. It’s hard to get use to."
"Hard, but worthwhile?"
That prompted the first smile from Lena that he had seen in a long time. "Yes. Daniel is more than definitely ‘worthwhile’."
Silence settled over the table and several moments passed before Lena continued. "I guess the problem is simply the number of changes that have occurred. I miss working. I was planning to retire a little more gradually - doing some training, making a few runs with the deck, keeping my had in a bit - even if I was avoiding high velocity lead.
That plan did not go over well with Daniel. If he could have managed it, he would have forbidden me from spending any time in the matrix, instead of just telling me I couldn’t run any ice. I’m glad he wants Carissa and is so interested in her safety, but if I end up spending much longer wrapped in cotton wool, I’m going to go nuts.
He told the Las Espadas that they shouldn’t listen to me if I wanted to do a little sparing. They listened to him. ‘Dona’ is dead. Whatever authority I had before getting pregnant has pretty much been usurped by ‘the Shaman’. I think the only person left who doesn’t check with Daniel before dealing with me is Talis. He spent a fair amount of time with me in May, had me work with him on selecting some new weapons and did a little sword work with me. Other than him, and you, everyone else seems to treat me as ‘pregnant woman’ or ‘Shaman’s wife’.
I love Daniel and Carissa very much, but I hate the fact that being a wife and mother-to-be means that I have to give up all the things that I used to enjoy. No parties, running, decking, teaching, gun running, drinking, socializing - I think the only thing I was doing a year ago that is still a part of my life is picking up after Shel and Daniel!"
Lena looked down at her hands and lowered her voice. "Putting it that way makes it sound like I’m an ungrateful brat. I love Daniel and I’m not so spoiled as to believe that I can have him and my old life as well. I’m sure I’ll adjust to all of this in time - but making the adjustment is much harder than I thought it would be."
Riyan waited for a few minutes, then asked, "So, what did Daniel say when you told him about this?"
"I haven’t said anything."
"Why not?"
"Why? There isn’t anything he could do about the way I feel that he isn’t trying already." Lena’s eyes left her hands to look into Riyan’s. "He keeps offering to let me pummel him since I can’t work out with the gang anymore. It’s sweet of him, but hitting someone who won’t hit back and can’t get out of the way is no fun. He keeps trying to come up with things for me to do - safe things. He’s had me beating metal in his workshop, and has given me a diary to write in. He even had Shel suggest that I setup a ‘Community Service Area’ on the Matrix for the gang to use. I can’t tell him that it hasn’t worked.
He didn’t ask for any of this. I’m the one who decided to have a child, and I didn’t give him any choice in the matter. I made the decision. I have no right to make Daniel unhappy because I don’t like all the ramifications of my decisions. I made my bed, and I have to lie in it, but I don’t have the right to complain about it."
Riyan smiled, "Ramifications?"
Lena blushed again, "So, I’ve spent a lot of time reading lately, getting my GED. Anyway, I’m starving. What about that lunch you promised me?"
Riyan took the hint. "It’s ready. Do you want to eat here or in the dining room?"