Match Archive

Absolut Crap                  9
Drunks with Darts        10

Alas, Crap is still Crap.
After a very exciting off-season which brought many changes, Crap proved it can still
find a way to lose in the end.  First, the on-the-field changes:  Marty, Nancy, and Andrew
each won individual plaques at the conclusion of the Spring season.  This was all fine and
good, except that Marty was promoted to a "B" darter, and Nancy moved to a "C+".
Ultimately, these changes propelled Crap's overall rating high enough to move up to the
2nd division - even after finishing in last place in division 3.  Now, the off-the-field changes:
Andrew and Kim brought Olivia into the world on June 3rd, Marty and Tara were married
on June 6th, and became an uncle and aunt on June 23, and Brian and Nancy, well, you'll
have to ask them if they have any news.

SINGLES
Generally, I like movies about the mob, Andrew beat Rob 2-0.
Why do they call them chicken wings when half of the basket are legs? Brian beat Craig 2-1.
I dread when Olivia begins teethin', Marty lost to Stephen 2-1.
Man, has this been a heat wave, Nancy beat Dave 2-1.

Singles Score:                   Absolut Crap            7
                                        Drunks with Darts     4

DOUBLES
Brian and Marty lost 2-0.
Andrew and Nancy won 2-0.

Doubles Score:                 Absolut Crap             2 
                                        Drunks with Darts      2

TEAM 601 Absolut Crap lost 4-0.

FINAL SCORE:                 Absolut Crap                9
                                             Drunks with Darts       10

Highlights
In a night where everyone's mind was far away from darts, Absolut
Crap began the season in decent fashion.  We played without Tara,
who was tending to her sister who gave birth on Tuesday.  Overall,
Crap fared pretty well against the Division 3 first place team from
last season.  Crap jumped ahead in singles, held their own in doubles,
but lost big in 601.  The first 601 game saw Crap hold the lead for the
entire game, but stalled going for their out.  The summer season will
see the competition get tougher, but it looks like Crap will play
up to the competition, and have a respectable season.

Bonus Points:
Brian had 2.
Nancy and Andrew had 1.

We play the Bust Breakers at the Hobbit next week.

July 1, 1998

Absolut Crap                  5
Bust Breakers              15

The ladies of the Bust Breakers molded Crap into a delightful bust last night.  Then they
took the bust and smashed it into the wall in what seemed like a unrelenting fit of vengeance.
Crap, again with alot of outside pressures, played well considering, but were unable to mount
much of a challenge.  Between Nancy and Brian expecting a baby, and Andrew's roof
collapsing underneath a pine tree, it's a wonder we were able to score at all.

SINGLES
On June 6th, Marty went a'marryin - last night he lost to Erin 2-1.
Crap's future is suddenly very hazy, Brian lost to Tracey 2-0.
It just seems that we can't win, Nancy lost to Marilyn 2-1.
Boris Yeltsin is one drunk Ruski, Tara lost to Duski 2-0.

Singles Score:                   Absolut Crap            2
                                        Bust Breakers           8

DOUBLES
Brian and Marty lost 2-1.
Andrew and Nancy lost 2-0.

Doubles Score:                 Absolut Crap             1 
                                        Bust Breakers            4

TEAM 601 Absolut Crap lost 3-2.

FINAL SCORE:                 Absolut Crap                5
                                             Bust Breakers             15

Highlights
Despite Marty's excellent play, Crap couldn't provide any support,
and were blown out against a team that we used to be able to beat.
Marty doubled on in all three of the 601 games, and ended with a
career-tying 9 bonus points.  Andrew was late arriving to the match
after lightening struck a tree in his yard.  The tree fell on the roof, and
although no one was injured, the house suffered substantial damage.
Crap looks forward to next week, when (other than a little morning
sickness) they should be at full strength.

Bonus Points:
Marty had 9.
Nancy had 2.

We play Salty Dawg II at Poor Paul's next week.

July 8, 1998

Absolut Crap                  9
Salty Dawg II               11

No babies being born, no roofs caving in, no weddings, no announcements.  But, Crap still
loses.  Crap did lose last night at Poor Pauls, but we played toe to toe with a very good team.
In fact, Crap missed several opportunities to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat.
Unfortunately, we were not able to capitalize by hitting our outs.

SINGLES
Just like a moon over Miami, Tara beat Tammy 2-1.
I can't remember ever eating custard, Brian lost to Richard 2-1.
What's the difference between a raven and a crow? Marty lost to Joe 2-0.
It's hard to believe that I have a kid, Andrew beat David 2-1.

Singles Score:                   Absolut Crap            5
                                        Salty Dawg II            6

DOUBLES
Brian and Nancy won 2-0.
Andrew and Marty lost 2-0.

Doubles Score:                 Absolut Crap             2 
                                        Salty Dawg II             2

TEAM 601 Absolut Crap lost 3-2.

FINAL SCORE:                 Absolut Crap                9
                                             Salty Dawg II              11

Highlights
Crap played for the first time without any distractions, and almost in their
normal rotation.  In an interesting coaching move, Brian and Nancy paired
up to sweep their doubles match.  The coaching move would have proved
brilliant, but the coach shot poorly causing Marty and Andrew to lose 2-0,
thus making the decision fruitless.  On the plus side, Tara and Andrew won
singles, and each Crap member scored at least one bonus point.  This, in addition
to Brian and Nancy's doubles victory, and Marty's continued 601 success
made the night positive.

Bonus Points:
Andrew had 3.
Nancy and Brian had 2.
Marty and Tara had 1.

We play Scattered and Smothered at the Breakroom next week.

July 15, 1998

Absolut Crap                   13
Scattered & Smothered   7

Crap discovered an easy way to win ... outnumber 'em.  Last night at the
Breakroom, Crap played against the undermanned S & S.  Against the
3 man team, we were able to win the 601 games, propelling a close game
into a 6 point victory.  Crap was not ashamed in the least about taking
advantage of the handicap.

SINGLES
Andrew should've been preparin to play his co-worker Carin.  He lost 2-1.
Notify the next of kin, Marty lost to Calvin 2-0.
I saw Brian's eyes getting a little misty when he beat Christy 2-1.
Nancy didn't exactly cry when she got the bye.

Singles Score:                   Absolut Crap                   5
                                        Scattered & Smothered    5

DOUBLES
Brian and Tara won 2-1.
Andrew and Marty won 2-1.

Doubles Score:                 Absolut Crap                    4 
                                        Scattered & Smothered     2

TEAM 601 Absolut Crap won 4-0.

FINAL SCORE:                 Absolut Crap                 13
                                             Scattered & Smothered    7

Highlights
In a night where no one was throwing extraordinarily well, Crap was
able to secure a much-needed victory.  The win should move us
ahead of Scattered & Smothered into 4th place.  I guess the
highlights of the night were the 601 games where Brian hit both
outs, and Crap turned a 9-7 game into a 13-7 victory.

Bonus Points:
Andrew had 7.
Marty had 3.

We play Salty Dawg I at Shuckers next week.

July 22, 1998

Absolut Crap                     4
Salty Dawg I                    13

Crap was taught a harsh lesson in reality last night at Shuckers.  Crap, who won
for the first time this season last week, were whipped by the veteran Dawgs.  It's
not easy coming back from a 8-0 deficit, and although Crap played respectably
after finding themselves in that predicament, they weren't able to close the gap.

SINGLES
Like a basketball bricking off the rim, Andrew lost to Jim.
After his match, Marty needed a shot of tequila.  He lost to Sheila 2-0.
It was worse than paying his taxes, Brian lost to Gladys 2-0.
Tara had to tip her hatsy to Patsy.  She lost 2-0.

Singles Score:                   Absolut Crap        0
                                        Salty Dawg           8

DOUBLES
Brian and Marty lost 2-0.
Andrew and Nancy won 2-0.

Doubles Score:                 Absolut Crap        2 
                                        Salty Dawg           2

TEAM 601 Absolut Crap lost 3-2.

FINAL SCORE:                 Absolut Crap         4
                                             Salty Dawg          13

Highlights
I'm not sure which is more humiliating - losing 8-0 in singles or
losing a 601 game which we led by 500 points.  Crap was down
to 108 when Salty Dawg finally doubled in.  Then Crap stalled at,
of all numbers, 16.  That's right, a measley double 8.  Not a 3, or
5, but an easy 16.  It didn't happen, the Dawgs climbed their way
in, and doubled out at their first opportunity.  At least we captured
some redemption by winning the second 601 game.

Bonus Points:
Andrew had 7.

We play the Drunks with Darts at the Capital Pub next week.

July 29, 1998

Absolut Crap                     4
Drunks with Darts           14

Crap slips to 1-5 after being pummeled by the Drunks with Darts.  It's turning
out to be Crap's worst season.  Crap's highest ranked darters, Andrew &
Marty, lost 9 out of the 10 games that they played in.  Marty, at least, had
an excuse - he underwent knee surgery on Monday.

SINGLES
Just like trying to open a door without a knob, Andrew lost to Rob 2-0.
A slap in the face is what our team is sorely needin', Marty lost to Stephen 2-0.
The Bowdens are good folks, especially Bobby.  Brian lost to Froggy 2-1.
Nancy proves that she can, she beat Dan 2-0.

Singles Score:                   Absolut Crap          3
                                        Drunks with Darts   6

DOUBLES
Brian and Marty lost 2-1.
Andrew and Tara lost 2-0.

Doubles Score:                 Absolut Crap           1 
                                        Drunks with Darts    4

TEAM 601 Absolut Crap lost 4-0.

FINAL SCORE:                 Absolut Crap            0
                                             Drunks with Darts     4

Highlights
If it weren't for the Taylors, we probably would have lost 16-0.  Nancy
continues her good play winning the only match for Crap all night.  Marty
and Brian took a game in doubles, and Brian took a singles game.  That
was it for Crap.  We'll try to regroup before playing the 1st placed Bust
Breakers next week without Brian or Nancy.

Bonus Points:
Brian had 3.
Andrew had 1.

We play the Bust Breakers at the Salty Dawg next week.

August 5, 1998

Absolut Crap                     9
Bust Breakers                 12

No summary this week because I was on vacation.

August 12, 1998

Absolut Crap                     6
Salty Dawg II                  13

The members of Absolut Crap returned from vacation and picked up
right where they left off.  It has become painfully evident that we are
in the wrong division.  However, Crap hung with the first place Salty
Dawg II until the 601 game where it got real ugly.

SINGLES
If Crap did a production of Wizard of Oz, Marty would play the scarecrow, he lost to Joe 2-0.
As the lion, Brian could be a member of the crew, he lost to Stu 2-0.
Playing the tin man, Andrew would walk along the yellow road that's paved, he beat David 2-1.
For who would be Dorothy, we would have to draw a card, Tara lost to Richard 2-1.

Singles Score:                   Absolut Crap          3
                                        Salty Dawg II          7

DOUBLES
Brian and Marty lost 2-1.
Andrew and Nancy won 2-0.

Doubles Score:                 Absolut Crap           3 
                                        Salty Dawg II           2

TEAM 601 Absolut Crap lost 4-0.

FINAL SCORE:                 Absolut Crap            6
                                             Salty Dawg II          13

Highlights
Andrew and Tara played well in singles, and we all played doubles good.
The 601 games turned disaterous for Crap.  We were unable to double
in, and by the time we did, we found ourselves down by 500 points.  Crap
went from a possible win to losing by 7 points.  Crap needs to dedicate its
efforts to playing better in this event if we plan to be successful.

Bonus Points:
Andrew had 5.
Marty had 2.
Brian and Nancy had 1.

We play Scattered and Smothered at Buffalo Connection next week.

August 19, 1998

Absolut Crap                       8
Scattered & Smothered    10

Once again, Crap proves that they're not ashamed to accept charity
from Scattered & Smothered.  In the first meeting Crap picked up their
only victory of the season, playing a three-man S&S team.  Last night, we
accepted a forfeit in the 601 game to make a 10-4 game into a 10-8 final.

SINGLES
Andrew lacks the confidence to win, he lost to Calvin 2-0.
Marty enjoyed the pairin', he beat Carin 2-1.
Brian knows how the Devil Rays must feel, he lost to Bill 2-0.
I don't think our uniforms are tacky, Nancy beat Jackie 2-1.

Singles Score:                   Absolut Crap                       4
                                        Scattered & Smothered        6

DOUBLES
Brian and Marty lost 2-0.
Andrew and Tara lost 2-0.

Doubles Score:                 Absolut Crap                       0 
                                        Scattered & Smothered        4

TEAM 601 Absolut Crap won 4-0.

FINAL SCORE:                 Absolut Crap                       8
                                             Scattered & Smothered      10

Highlights
The highlight of the night was definately Marty and Nancy in singles.  Nancy won
two 501 games despite Jackie hitting a 180 in the first game.  Marty was able to
record a big win over Carin.  Doubles was a disaster.  Both teams were swept
by opponents that we should have beat.  The forfeit in 601 was timely as Crap had all
confidence drained from them in doubles.

Bonus Points:
Marty and Brian had 1.

We play Salty Dawg I in the season finale at Hoagie Express next week.

August 26, 1998

Absolut Crap          6
Salty Dawg I         13

The summer season, 1998 came to a close last night at the Hoagie
Express.  The night was a synopsis of the entire season.  We played
decent, had limited success early, but quit in the end.  This could be
the end of Absolut Crap as we know them as major shakeups are
expected before the fall season.

SINGLES
Andrew couldn't hit two lousy 16s, he lost to Jim 2-1.
Marty continued his end-of-the-season streak beating Sheila 2-0.
Nancy lost the battle of the C+ women to Gladys 2-0.
Brian fell to Patsy 2-0.

Singles Score:                   Absolut Crap        3
                                        Salty Dawg I         6

DOUBLES
Brian and Marty lost 2-1.
Andrew and Tara won 2-1.

Doubles Score:                 Absolut Crap       3 
                                        Salty Dawg I        3

TEAM 601 Absolut Crap lost 4-0.

FINAL SCORE:                 Absolut Crap       6
                                             Salty Dawg I      13

Highlights
Absolut Crap finished the season with another dissapointing loss.  Even though we
only won once this season, Crap gained useful experience playing in a division above
their heads.  We don't know what the future holds, but if we play next season in the
same division, we expect better results.

Bonus Points:
Marty and Brian had 3.
Andrew had 2.