Absolut Crap       12
Linda's Slackers  8

Absolut Crap began the Spring 1999 season
with a new sponsor, and a new attitude.  Actually,
we have pretty much the same attitude, but we do
have a new sponsor - Longhorn Steakhouse.  Crap,
who is considering a name change to MEAT (Marty,
Eric, Andrew, Tony), is also playing in a new division.
Crap was bumped to Division 1B after a successful
campaign in the fall.  The competition looks fierce,
but Crap should be up to the challenge, and hopefully
win their second consecutive trophy.

SINGLES
Marty handled Rebecca 2-0.
Tony beat Beth 2-0.
Eric lost to Skip 2-1.
Andrew was edged by Travis 2-1.

Singles Score:                   Absolut Crap        6
                                        Linda's Slackers    4

DOUBLES
Andrew and Marty won 2-0.
Eric and Tony won 2-1.

Doubles Score:                 Absolut Crap       4
                                        Linda's Slackers   1

TEAM 601 Absolut Crap lost 3-2.

FINAL SCORE:                 Absolut Crap       12
                                             Linda's Slackers    8

Highlights
Crap started out fast against the Slackers, who comprise
1/2 of last year's 1st placed Sure Shots.  Marty and Tony
swept their singles, and Crap dominated in doubles 4-1.
This gave Crap a 10-5 lead going into 601.  Crap was
able to score a victory in the second team game to secure
a comfortable margin of victory.  We seem to play well
after lay-offs, so next week's bye should be a benefit.

Bonus Points:
Andrew had 6
Eric had 3.
Marty had 3.
Tony had 1.

March 24, 1999

Absolut Crap              8
4-Gone Conclusion   11

A beaten and battered Absolut Crap stumbled into
the Salty Dawg last night to face the upstart 4-Gone
Conclusion.  Crap, after holding their first pre-dart
banquet at Longhorn Steakhouse, promptly let
their sponsor down by losing in a close match.
One of Crap's star darters, Eric was unable to
play at 100% because of a wrist injury.  But, despite
the injury, Eric played well and contributed to the
points that Crap did score.

SINGLES
Andrew took Guy down in 2.
Tony's on a roll, this time he beat Adam 2-1.
Eric fell to Dan 2-0.
Marty lost in two to Derrick.

Singles Score:                   Absolut Crap             4
                                        4-Gone Conclusion    5

DOUBLES
Andrew and Marty lost 2-0.
Eric and Tony lost 2-1.

Doubles Score:                 Absolut Crap            1
                                        4-Gone Conclusion   4

TEAM 601 Absolut Crap won 3-2.

FINAL SCORE:                 Absolut Crap             8
                                             4-Gone Conclusion  11

Highlights
Crap played 4-Gone Conclusion virtually even after singles,
but fell apart in doubles before claiming 601 by a point.
All games in doubles were winnable for Crap, but
reminiscent of seasons past we were unable to deliver the
knockout punch, thus the difference of the match.  Crap
did recover in team 601, and nearly pulled off the tie.  Tony
accepted the challenge of beating Andrew's season record
6 bonus points by posting 8 this week.  His new mark will
be difficult, but possible to beat.

Bonus Points:
Tony had 8
Andrew had 4
Eric had 3.
Marty had 1.

March 31, 1999

Absolut Crap          13
Salty Dawg II          6

On the last day of March, 1999, at Poor Paul's
Tavern, Absolut Crap played one of their best
matches ever.  Coming off a bitter disappointment
last week, Crap was determined to make a better
showing.  We struck early and often, and beat a
good Salty Dawg II team handily.

SINGLES
Andrew beat Joe in 2.
Eric took down David 2-0.
Tony continues to win, beating Richard 2-1.
Marty played huge, winning over Chris 2-1.

Singles Score:                   Absolut Crap       8
                                        Salty Dawg II       2

DOUBLES
Andrew and Marty lost 2-0.
Eric and Tony won 2-0.

Doubles Score:                 Absolut Crap      2
                                        Salty Dawg II      2

TEAM 601 Absolut Crap won 3-2.

FINAL SCORE:                Absolut Crap     13
                                             Salty Dawg II      6

Highlights
Absolut Crap was simply on fire last night. Our only slip was
Andrew & Marty's doubles match.  In a Crap rarity,
all members won their singles match, and we found our-
selves ahead 8-2 early in the match.  Eric & Tony
continued their good play picking up the slack in doubles,
then Crap edged Salty Dawg II in team 601 thanks in
part to Andrew's first-ever 160 in.  He did, however,
fall one point shy of Tony's season mark of 8 bonus points.
The effort should put us in the thick of things for the 1st place
race early in the season.

Bonus Points:
Andrew had 7.
Marty had 3.
Tony & Eric had 1.

April 7, 1999
 

Absolut Crap	10
Trixie & the Mechanics	11

Absolut Crap donned their new uniforms last
night at the Capital Pub, but fell by one point
to Trixie and the Mechanics.  Crap played well
enough to win, but couldn't win a 601 game.  As
usual, losing both 601 games cost us the match.
Crap blames the loss on Lewis, who scored a
170 in after Andrew felt confident that his 160
in last week would earn him a plaque.

SINGLES
Tony, the dominator, beat Trinka (Trixie) 2-1.
Eric with a C upset Bill, an A-darter, 2-1.
Andrew lost to Erik with a K 2-1.
Marty fell to Leroy 2-1.
 

Singles Score:	Absolut Crap	6
	Trixie & the Mechanics	6

DOUBLES
Andrew and Marty won 2-1.
Eric and Tony won 2-0.
 

Doubles Score:	Absolut Crap	4
	Trixie & the Mechanics	1

TEAM 601 Absolut Crap lost 4-0.
 

FINAL SCORE:	Absolut Crap	10
	Trixie & the Mechanics	11

Highlights
Absolut Crap played decent in singles, played very well
in doubles, and sucked in 601.  Actually, Eric doubled us
in both 601 games on the 1st throw.  It was all the subsequent
throws that sucked.  Crap, by losing the 1st two team games
blew a 10-7 lead.  But Crap cannot let that be a distractration
as we're up against the 1st place "Slackers" next week.  Look
for Crap to return to their dominating ways.  Tony regained his
title as high bonus point dude - scoring 6 this week.

Bonus Points:
Tony had 6
Andrew had 4.
Marty had 1.

April 14, 1999
 

Absolut Crap	12
Linda's Slackers	9

Absolut Crap took on the 1st placed Slackers
at Benchwarmers in an early season grudge
match.  Linda's jumped to an early lead, and
it looked glum for the Crapsters.  But we
regrouped in doubles and swept 601 for the
three point victory.  The victory, which earned
Crap the season sweep, moves us ever so close
in the Division 1B standings.

SINGLES
Eric was the lone singles victor, beating Skip 2-1.
Tony suffered a rare loss.  He was beaten by Rebecca 2-1.
Marty sold his house, but couldn't win at darts.  He lost to Robbie 2-1.
Andrew was taken care of by Travis 2-0.
 

Singles Score:	Absolut Crap	4
	Linda's Slackers	7

DOUBLES
Andrew and Marty won 2-1.
Eric and Tony won 2-1.
 

Doubles Score:	Absolut Crap	4
	Linda's Slackers	2

TEAM 601 Absolut Crap won 4-0.
 

FINAL SCORE:	Absolut Crap	12
	Linda's Slackers	9

Highlights
Absolut Crap finished their season series with Linda's Slackers
in the 6th week.  Fortunately we won both matches, but unfortunately
we still trail them in the standings.  The difference this week was
winning the 601 games.  We were behind by one point after
successful doubles matches, and swept the team matches for the
final 3 point margin.  Credit Eric & Marty for hitting the doubles in & out.
Eric scored huge in the bonus point category - he nailed 10.  Eric's
double figures in bonus points earned him a beer from Tony, and
the title "The Bonus Point Dude".

Bonus Points:
Eric had 10.
Tony had 6
Andrew had 2.

April 21, 1999
 

Absolut Crap	12
Blitz	7

Absolut Crap continues to impress (even themselves),
beating Division 1A foe, the Blitz, last night at the Salty Dawg.
Crap wins their fourth match of the season, and looks
to move closer (or overtake) 1st place.  Crap edged the Blitz in
singles, evened up in doubles, and swept another 601
match amidst some controversy.

SINGLES
Andrew ousted the ex-president, Todd 2-0.
Tony reverts back to his winning ways, beating Brenda 2-0.
Eric fell by one to Jeff.
Marty lost both games to Jennifer.
 

Singles Score:	Absolut Crap	5
	Blitz	4

DOUBLES
Andrew and Marty won 2-1.
Eric and Tony lost 2-1.
 

Doubles Score:	Absolut Crap	3
	Blitz	3

TEAM 601 Absolut Crap won 4-0.
 

FINAL SCORE:	Absolut Crap	12
	Blitz	7

Highlights
Absolut Crap won their 1st of 4 matches with Division 1A teams.
Crap's plan against these favorites is to play close in singles and
doubles, and try to steal the victory in 601.  So far, the plan
is working to a "T".  Crap was surprisingly ahead by a point
going into 4-man.  The first game spurred controversy when
the Blitz shot out of turn.  The mistake was discovered after they
shot out of turn, but before we shot.  The correct interpretation of
the rules was not agreed upon, but order was restored after both
teams agreed to a mutual compromise realizing the camaraderie was
more important than the match.  Anyway, Crap went on to win
that game and the next boosting the final to a 5 point margin.  Crap
looks forward to playing Trixie and the Mechanics next week, a team
that beat us earlier in the season.

Bonus Points:
Andrew had 7.
Eric had 5.
Tony & Marty had 1.

April 28, 1999
 

Absolut Crap	12
Trixie & the Mechanics	8

Absolut Crap won their 5th match of the season, this time
avenging a loss to Trixie & the Mechanics.  Crap, in full
Longhorn regalia, rocked the Mechanics at the Hobbit Hoagie
in a crucial grudge match.  We fell behind a point in singles,
made up the point in doubles, then dominated 601 for
the 3rd week in a row.  The last 601 game that Crap
lost was against Trixie & the Mechanics on April 7.  That
2 game sweep by the Mechanics cost Crap the match &
1st place.  Since then Crap has gone 6-0 in four man.

SINGLES
Andrew edged Erik 2-1.
Tony wins his last match before a 3 week break, beating Trinka 2-1.
Marty took a game against Leroy.
Eric lost both to Bill.
 

Singles Score:	Absolut Crap	5
	Trixie & the Mechanics	6

DOUBLES
Andrew and Marty won 2-0.
Eric and Tony lost 2-1.
 

Doubles Score:	Absolut Crap	3
	Trixie & the Mechanics	2

TEAM 601 Absolut Crap won 4-0.
 

FINAL SCORE:	Absolut Crap	12
	Trixie & the Mechanics	8

Highlights
Crap won again by virtue of dominating the 601
games.  Crap had little problem doubling in, and
no problem doubling out, leaving Trixie & the
Mechanics wondering what happened.  Eric &
Andrew tied for the night's bonus point lead.  Eric
hit Crap's first 9 mark of the season in his doubles
match, earning 4 bonus points & a pin at season's end.
The league will have a mid-season party next Wednesday
at the Salty Dawg to honor Mexico's independence.
It has not been determined whether Crap will make
an appearance.

Bonus Points:
Eric & Andrew had 7.
Marty had 4.

May 12, 1999
 

Absolut Crap	9
Bull Breakers	11

Absolut Crap tangled with the Division 1A Bull Breakers amidst
a raucous bingo crowd at the Breakers home bar.  Crap was
not intimidated, and nearly stole the match from the highly rated
Breakers.  Crap again employed their increasingly successful plan,
used primarily against division 1A teams, of keeping it close in
singles & doubles, and trying to pull out the match by winning
the 601 match.  The plan was nearly foiled after the 1st 601 game, but
Clay, our substitute for Tony, came through in the second game
digging Crap out of the grave.  Crap went on to win the 3rd game to
close the gap to a 2 point loss - very acceptable for Crap supporters.

SINGLES
Marty took down Rachael 2-1.
Eric beat their substitute, Erin, 2-1.
Andrew was felled by Rick in two games.
Clay was the sacrificial lamb, losing in 2 to Lewis.
 

Singles Score:	Absolut Crap	4
	Bull Breakers	6

DOUBLES
Andrew and Eric lost 2-0.
Clay and Marty won 2-1.
 

Doubles Score:	Absolut Crap	2
	Bull Breakers	3

TEAM 601 Absolut Crap won 3-2.
 

FINAL SCORE:	Absolut Crap	9
	Bull Breakers	11

Highlights
It is very rare that Crap considers a loss as a
success, but with possibility of a blow-out looming,
Crap played well, and came away very satisfied with
a close defeat handed down by the newly laid-back
Bull Breakers.  After Marty & Clay pulled out a 2-1
victory in doubles, Crap found themselves only behind
by 3 going into 601.  The deficit increased to 5 after
Crap lost the 1st game.  But, Crap didn't hang their
heads, and jumped out to a big lead in the 2nd game,
then held on when Clay took a 5 out to win.  Crap
also won the 3rd game.  We play another division 1A
team, Truss Me, next week at the Hobbit.

Bonus Points:
Marty had 4
Eric had 3.
Clay had 2.
Andrew had 1.

May 19, 1999
 

Absolut Crap	5
Truss Me	13

An undermanned Absolut Crap team fell hard to their rivals,
Truss Me, last night at Crap's old stomping grounds, the Hobbit.
After being unable to find a substitute, we were forced to play
the Division 1A team with only 3 players.  But, Crap did put
5 points on the scoreboard - actually 4 points (Truss Me donated
one point to Crap's cause).  The loss hurt, but Crap has not been
flushed.  We still have our sights on first place.

SINGLES
Andrew took both games from Mike.
Eric was beaten by Stephen 2-0.
Marty lost to Jackie in two.
Tony's spirit took a game from Calvin.
 

Singles Score:	Absolut Crap	3
	Truss Me	6

DOUBLES
Andrew lost 2-0.
Eric and Marty lost 2-0.
 

Doubles Score:	Absolut Crap	0
	Truss Me	4

TEAM 601 Absolut Crap lost 3-2.
 

FINAL SCORE:	Absolut Crap	5
	Truss Me	13

Highlights
There weren't too many highlights for Crap last
night.  In fact, the evening was very frustrating.  But,
afterall this is only darts, and there plenty of important
things to be concerned about -- such as "The Phantom
Menace".  Crap did mount a great comeback in the
second 601 game to salvage two points.  But, after tasting
that brief success, Crap proceeded to blow a 400 point
lead in the 3rd game - ending Crap's 4 game winning
streak in 4 man, and sealing the evening's 8 point loss.
We learned at the end of the night that Linda's Slackers
also played with 3 people, and also lost 13-5.  This means
that Crap didn't lose any ground on 1st, but the entire division
should tighten up a bit.

Bonus Points:
Andrew had 7.
Eric had 4.
Marty had 2.

May 26, 1999
 

Absolut Crap	7
4-Gone Conclusion	11

It's a 4 horse race in division 1B, and 4-Gone Conclusion looks
to be the horse coming up on the outside.  They gained ground
on Absolut Crap last night by whipping us at Poor Paul's.  For
Crap, it was our third loss in a row dropping our overall record
to 5-5.  But, it could have been worse.  Crap was losing 11 to
3 going into 601, and faced a 15-3 humiliation.  Crap rallied to
win both team games, and cut their losses considerably.  Amanda,
Tony's wife, made her Absolut Crap debut as a substitute for
Marty.  She played well, and helped Crap close the gap in 601.

SINGLES
Andrew was able to stave off Guy 2-1.
Eric was beaten by Derrick 2-1.
Tony lost to Dan, the Packer man, 2-0.
Amanda fell to Adam in two.
 

Singles Score:	Absolut Crap	3
	4-Gone Conclusion	7

DOUBLES
Andrew & Amanda lost 2-0.
Eric and Tony lost 2-0.
 

Doubles Score:	Absolut Crap	0
	4-Gone Conclusion	4

TEAM 601 Absolut Crap won 4-0.
 

FINAL SCORE:	Absolut Crap	7
	4-Gone Conclusion	11

Highlights
Crap has struggled mightily in the doubles matches
for the past two weeks.  4-Gone Conclusion dominated
Crap in this event as we were swept in both games in what
seemed like about a minute.  We regrouped, however, and
won both 601 games to make the score respectable.  Eric
doubled in a 112 in the first game, and took the out.  In the
second game he also doubled in, and apparantly doubled out -
but, after all hands were shooken, and Eric went to pull his winning
dart out, he realized that it wasn't a double.  Crap sweated out
a few more rounds before finally taking the game.  With only
4 matches left in the season, the loss hurts, but doesn't eliminate
Crap.  We play Salty Dawg I at the Bingo Parlor next week.

Bonus Points:
Andrew had 3.
Eric had 3.

June 2, 1999
 

Absolut Crap	9
Salty Dawg I	9

Absolut Crap narrowly avoided losing their 4th match in a row
last night at the Breakroom Bingo Parlor and Shuffle Board
Arena.  We finally had our full team together, but even that didn't
seem to help early in the evening.  But, Crap rediscovered
their alliance, and pulled out the tie.

SINGLES
Tony was our star in singles, beating Gladys 2-0.
Marty managed to win a game against Mary.
Andrew was whooped by Sheila 2-0.
Eric lost both games to Kathy.
 

Singles Score:	Absolut Crap	3
	Salty Dawg I	6

DOUBLES
Andrew & Eric won 2-1.
Marty and Tony lost 2-0.
 

Doubles Score:	Absolut Crap	2
	Salty Dawg I	3

TEAM 601 Absolut Crap won 4-0.
 

FINAL SCORE:	Absolut Crap	9
	Salty Dawg I	9

Highlights
Salty Dawg came bearing gifts, then stormed out of the
corner swinging.  Sheila, very generously, brought cigars to
the members of Crap as a token of good will.  But, as a
token of evil, she led her team to a 9-5 lead going into
601.  Eric doubled in, and Andrew doubled out of both
team games to tie the match, leaving both teams somewhat
disappointed.  With only 3 matches left, Crap is battling
for any trophy at this point.

Important note to Crap fans worldwide:  The match scheduled
for June 23 has been moved up a week to June 16 - same
place, same time, same team.

Bonus Points:
Marty had 6.
Eric had 4.
Andrew had 3.
Tony had 1.

June 9, 1999
 

Absolut Crap	14
Salty Dawg II	3

They say "what goes around comes around".  That proved
to be true at Benchwarmers last night.  On May 19, Absolut
Crap was unable to find a substitute, and played with only
3 players.  Salty Dawg II faced the same dilemma last night.  Just
as Truss Me did in May, Crap took full advantage of SD's
misfortune in a 14 to 3 shellacking.

SINGLES
Eric won both games over Richard.
Tony swept their substitute, Danny, in two games.
Andrew came back against David, winning 2-1.
Marty won his singles by virtue of a forfeit.
 

Singles Score:	Absolut Crap	8
	Salty Dawg II	1

DOUBLES
Marty & Eric won 2-0.
Andrew and Tony lost 2-0.
 

Doubles Score:	Absolut Crap	2
	Salty Dawg II	2

TEAM 601 Absolut Crap won 4-0.
 

FINAL SCORE:	Absolut Crap	14
	Salty Dawg II	3

Highlights
Crap's only slip-up on the evening was Andrew & Tony's
doubles match.  Other than that, Crap dominated the
undermanned Salty Dawg II team.  Eric is still automatic
doubling in the 601 games.  Crap has won 6 straight 4-man
games which has helped to keep us in the race for 1st place.
The victory was Crap's 1st win since April 28.  Hopefully
the momentum will carry Crap to victories in their last
two matches.

Important note to Crap fans worldwide:  The match scheduled
for June 23 has been moved up a week to June 16 - same
place, same time, same team.

Bonus Points:
Tony had 3.
Andrew had 2.
Marty and Eric had 1.

June 16, 1999
 

Absolut Crap	11
Salty Dawg I	7

Crap comes from behind in the second-to-last match of
the season against Salty Dawg I at Poor Paul's.  In a match
that was originally scheduled for June 23, Crap fell behind
6-3 after singles.  We finally won the doubles matches, and
continued to dominate in 601.  The victory assures Crap
an above .500 record for the second consecutive season.

SINGLES
Eric won both games over Kathy.
Tony was able to win a game against Patsy.
Andrew lost both games to Sheila, AGAIN!
Marty was taken down by Mary, 2-0.
 

Singles Score:	Absolut Crap	3
	Salty Dawg I	6

DOUBLES
Andrew & Marty won 2-0.
Eric and Tony won 2-1.
 

Doubles Score:	Absolut Crap	4
	Salty Dawg I	1

TEAM 601 Absolut Crap won 4-0.
 

FINAL SCORE:	Absolut Crap	11
	Salty Dawg I	7

Highlights
An 11-7 victory is very acceptable for Crap considering
half of our attention was focused on FSU's College World Series
game (Noles beat Cal-St. Fullerton 7-2).  This was apparent early
in the match as Salty Dawg I whipped us in singles again.  But,
Crap regrouped and tied the match after doubles.  Then, Crap
once again won both 601 games.  This makes 8 consecutive
wins for Crap, spanning 4 weeks.  Crap will take next week
off before finishing the season against the Division I Pighair
Penetrators.

Bonus Points:
Eric had 4.
Marty had 3.
Andrew had 2.
Tony had 1.

June 30, 1999
 

Absolut Crap	6
Pighair Penetrators	13

In a desperate attempt to finish in first place for the first
time in Crap history, Crap was blown out by the Division
1A Pighair Penetrators.  Now, Crap will play the waiting game
to find out their position.  It is assumed that we will finish in the top 3,
but the exact position may not be known until the league
party.  Crap says good-bye to Tony after this season, as
he will continue his dart career in Atlanta.  Tony played
for Crap for 2 seasons, and was an inspiration.  Congratulations
to Amanda on her new teaching position in Atlanta.

SINGLES
Eric lost to David in two games.
Tony was able to win a game against Lou.
Andrew took a game from John.
Marty lost both games to Chris.
 

Singles Score:	Absolut Crap	2
	Pighair Penetrators	8

DOUBLES
Andrew & Marty lost 2-0.
Eric and Tony won 2-0.
 

Doubles Score:	Absolut Crap	2
	Pighair Penetrators	2

TEAM 601 Absolut Crap lost 3-2.
 

FINAL SCORE:	Absolut Crap	6
	Pighair Penetrators	13

Highlights
Crap could never fully recover from an 8-2 deficit, although we
did play the Penetrators tough in doubles and 4-man.  I'm writing
this over two weeks after the match was played because of a
vacation, so I can't remember too many of the details.  I do know
that we won the first 601 game to extend our streak to 9 consecutive
team wins.  Crap looks to next season with some uncertainty
surrounding their roster.  Tony will leave the team, and his spot will
be difficulty to replace.  This also means that I'll have to look for a ride
for half the matches.

Bonus Points:
Tony had 5.
Eric had 4.
Andrew had 2.