Rules:
 

Rule #1: Overview This competition is for fun, no gambling or entry fees.  The club does accept $2 per year for dues (see rule 16). The winner acquires possession of the coveted "Crete" award for one year, and may decorate it as they please.  You are also entitled to bragging rights, and the envy of everyone else in the league.

Rule #2: The Games Each Monday I will post a list of twenty games with the point spreads on the "This Week's Games" web page.  The page will be set up as a form.  Simply choose the winner of each game based on the point spread that I have obtained from a reliable source (usually the "USA Today Sports Odds Page").

Rule #3: Eliminate the push Effective in 2002, the commissioner will adjust all spreads to halves.  The home team will be charged the extra half point in the case of a whole-number line.  For example, if FSU is favored to beat Florida by 63 points at home, the commissioner will adjust the spread to 63 1/2 points.

Rule #4: Upset Specials In addition to the twenty games, you are able to pick three upset specials (four during bowl week --- effective 2004).  These are three teams that are underdogs that you expect to WIN the game.  If the spread of the game is between 0.5-9.5 points, and your Upset Special wins - you get 1 bonus point.  If the spread is 10 - 19.5, and your US wins - you get 2 BPs.  If the spread is 20 - 29.5, and your US wins - you get 3 BPs.  If the spread is 30 - 39.5, and your US wins - you get 4 BPs.  And so on.  You can choose your Upset Special from any Division 1A game with a listed spread.  Beginning in 2007, the commissioner will include all games in a pull-down list on the games page

Rule 5: Lock of the Week Lock of the Week (enacted in 2002; modified in 2006; made mandatory in 2011).  Each week you are required to select a lock of the week.  To win, you must correctly pick the winner based on the spread of any game with a listed spread (check pull-down list on games page).  For example, FSU is favored to beat Florida by 63.5 points.  You pick FSU as your lock of the week.  FSU would have to win by MORE THAN 63.5 points for you to get a point.  You are allowed to pick either team in a game (favorite or underdog) and you are playing against the spread.  The points you risk/earn are calculated in the following manner: ---If you submit a lock of the week and win, the next week you would only risk 1 point to win 1 point. If you win again (two consecutive weeks), you would risk 0 points to gain 1 in the following week. The zero risk continues from that point as long as you keep winning. If you lose at any time, the lock is reset to the default, which is a risk of 2 points to gain 1. The points won and lost for this option are not bonus points, but regular wins and losses.

Rule #6: Tiebreaker You'll also be required to pick the total points in one game chosen by me for tie breaking purposes.  You can earn 2 bonus points by hitting the tiebreaker "on the nose".  So, let's say the tiebreaker game for a particular week is the FSU-Florida game, and you pick 62 as the total points scored.  FSU wins 59-3 ... you'll earn 2 bonus points.

Rule #7: Deadline for Picks All picks are due by close of business on Friday.  Late picks up until kickoff of the games may be accepted at the discretion of the commissioner with a valid excuse. 2012 Clarification on the pick deadline: In a normal week, you are allowed to freely change any pick before the deadline of Friday at 5:00 pm. Just send me an email. No changes are allowed after that time. Late picks are still accepted (not changes) through kickoff on Saturday if you have a valid excuse and are not abusing this leniency. In a Thursday night game week, you can change any pick before the deadline of Thursday at 7:30. Just send me an email. No changes are allowed after that time. Late picks are still accepted (not changes) through the normal deadline of Friday at 5:00 pm. In other words, if you have a valid excuse, you can email me your pick for the Thursday game, and then make the rest of the picks on Friday. Or, if you miss the Thursday game completely, you can take a loss in that game and still pick the rest of the games by Friday. The commissioner will try to send a courtesy reminder a few hours before the deadline to alert those who still owe picks (and to get everyone fiiirreeeeedddd up for the upcoming FSU thumping of a hapless opponent). But, this is not a guaranteed service that is provided by NHASED.

Rule #8:  Disputes The commissioner (me) is in charge and will rule on any problems that arise.

Rule #9: Eligibility In order to win the Crete or any other NHASED award (including the doormat), you cannot miss more than 1 week during the season, and you must participate in the bowl picks.    If you miss the Friday deadline, go ahead and submit your picks anyway as per rule 7.  If you get them in before the first kickoff, they might be accepted.

Rule #10:  Drop Week If you participate in every week (perfect attendence), you are allowed to drop your worst week.  This drop will be done after the regular season and before the bowl games.  Therefore, you are not allowed to drop the bowl games.

Rule #11.  Ties (irrelevant due to the adopting of rule 3) Any ties are wiped out.  For example, Florida State is favored to beat the Gators by 35, and you pick the Gators to cover the spread.  If the final score is 37 - 2, you don't get a win or a loss.  In fact, even if you picked the Noles, it would be scratched.  If the score is 37-3, and you took the Goaters, you win.

Rule #12: Picking the Push Formerly the push rule ... started in 2000, abolished in 2002.

Rule #13:  Final Standings Tiebreakers In the event of a end-of-the-season tie in the final standings, the higher finisher from the previous season would hold on to his/her spot.  For example, player A and player B end the season with the exact same record after the bowl games.  Player A had a better record the previous season.  Player A would be awarded the disputed rank.  Returners players have to be unseated by newcomers.  If two newcomers tie, the player with the best bowl record wins.  If this is a tie, we'll flip a coin at the "Crete Presentation".

Rule #14:  Retiring the Crete The Crete will be retired to any member who wins the award for three consecutive years.  A new Crete will replace the retired trophy using NHASED funds.

Rule #15:  New Members Any potential new member must be nominated by a veteran NHASEDer (minimum of 5 years) in good standing, endorsed by a charter member (1996 & 1997 considered charter years), and voted in by a majority of all members before the season commences.

Rule #16:  Administrative Fees All active members will pay a $2 administrative fee annually to cover costs of the Crete nameplate updates, Crete Champion tee shirts, sponsorship of our NASCAR drivers, Heisman promotions, etc.  You are allowed to pay several years at once for convenience.

Rule #17:  NHASED Awards The following are Awards given annualy at the NHASED Crete Presentation and General Convention*: Crete - Given to the standings leader at the conclusion of the season. Drop week is considered.  A tie is broken in accordance to rule #13. Unnamed Bonus Point Trophy - Given to the person with the most bonus points at the end of the season.  All weeks are counted.  A tie is broken by highest place in the final standings. Samuel L. Jackson Bad Mother Locker Award - Given to the member with the overall best record in locks-of-the-week.  Drop week is not considered.  Must participate in 100% of lock-of-the-weeks.  A tie is broken by highest place in the final standings. Doormat Award - Given to the person with the worst record in the standings.  All weeks are counted, even if you suffer an 0-20 mark for missing a week. Rookie of the Year - Given to the new member with the best record.  Drop week is considered.  Returning players after any length of hiatus are not eligible. A tie is broken by bonus points, then locks, then most weekly wins, then by record in bowl games. *  The winners must satisfy rule 9 for eligibility.

Rule #18:  NHASED Participation Bonus Point Effective in 2011-12, any NHASEDer will be eligible to begin the following season with a single bonus point if the member satisfies the qualifications of a number of available participation points set forth by the NHASED commissioner, including . . . but not limited to: attending any of the events during the NHASED Crete Presentation and General Convention; attending an official NHASED road trip; submitting a NHASED postcard; finishing the season as a premier handicapper. Example bonus point reporting period: the reporting period for earning a 2012 bonus point will be from September 1, 2011 through August 31, 2012. The purpose of this rule is to provide an opportunity to earn a token reward for being an active and dutiful NHASEDer.

NASCAR Driver That NHASED Sponsors
Lake Speed, the former official NASCAR driver of the NHASED, retired in mid-
July 1998.  This left the group without a driver, and nowhere to invest their
sponsorship.  The commissioner immediately sought to replace Lake, and sent
out this e-mail to the members of NHASED.  In only one week, this e-mail announces
2 new drivers were selected ... Jerry Nadeau and Buckshot Jones.

NHASED's "Creto"

The "Crete" should be cherished like no other piece of concrete that you posses.  It should be placed high on a pedestal (a very strong pedestal), and worshipped as a god.  Each day as you pass by the Crete, you should look deeply into it's rough gray texture, and say "thank you Crete, for you are the symbol of all that is good."  If the day should come that you lose the Crete, decorate it festively, and humbly pass it to the next fortunate soul.  For though you had the Crete for just a short period of time relative to your lifespan, the memory will last forever.  To ensure that you will remember the Crete for the rest of your life, I suggest dropping it on your foot.

"Crete Rule" by Brian Taylor

I Entreat,
Be Discreet
But Not Effete
And Treat
The 'Crete
With Loving Feet;
And Do Not Cheat
When You Compete
Though You Face Defeat
And Treat
The 'Crete
As A Thing Most Sweet

Correct Pronunciation of NHASED
NHASED is pronounced with a silent "H". It is a two-syllable word with the first syllable sounding like one of the "na's" in: "Na, na, na, na. Na, na, na, na. Hey, hey, hey. Good-bye." If you are still unsure of the pronunciation of the first syllable, refer to a tape of the 1994 FSU/UF game when 8,000 or so Gator fans were chanting it in Doak Campbell Stadium at the beginning of the 4th quarter.

The last syllable of NHASED is similar in pronunciation to the word, "said," but ever so slightly different ... so that it rhymes with the word, "dead." Here is an example of the difference: Most people said that the Noles were dead in that game, but we scored 28 points in the 4th quarter to force a tie.

Put both syllables together and NHASED is pronounced, "Na-sed."

Click to hear the commissioner say "NHASED."

NHASED's Addendum to the Florida Statutes regarding the cancellation of football games

(a) In the event of severe weather, natural disaster or war, or
any other devastating act of God, the governor, after consultation
with the commissioner of the NHASED and members in standing, reserves
the authority to postpone any athletic activity involving the Florida
State University football team (also referred to herein as
"Seminoles") if the following conditions are met:

  (1) Conditions are such that the participants and/or spectators are
at risk due to imminent danger (defined by Gen. Colin Powell). If the
severe conditions are determined to put no Florida State University
students, fans, players, coaches, other personnel or any property
thereof, at risk, but do present a reasonable risk of injury, damage,
death, mayhem, destruction, death again, ruination, holy vengeance,
or death yet again to any University of Florida student, fan, player,
personnel, property, and especially head coach, the game must go
on;

  (2) Arrangements are made for the game to be rescheduled or
relocated, provided that relocation is not north of the Mason-Dixon
line, nor west of the Mississippi river;

  (3) The governor receives approval from the NHASED commissioner and
the athletic directors of the two schools involved;

  (4) Cancellation of the game does not adversely affect the National
Handicapper's Association Southeast Division in any way.

(b) It is noted that cancellation requires:

  (1) A minimum of fifty (50) projected spectator deaths (note that
the definition of death for this purpose shall be of unnatural
causes, i.e. flying debris, random gunshots ect.);

  (2) Rescheduled game must be played in a stadium that serves
unlimited beer, and the beer shall be served free to compensate the
spectators for the inconvenience, especially if said spectators are
Seminole fans. Additionally,  massages and escalators would also be
nice;

  (3) The athletic directors of the aforementioned two (2) schools
cannot be romantically involved; and

  (4) The NHASED web page has not been updated with the current picks
reflecting more than seventy-five (75) percent of its participants.

(c) It is also determined by the Florida Congress and NHASED
commissioner that if ten (10) or more players from Florida State
University are suffering the effects of a virus, the game may be
canceled because of strong winds or too much sunshine.

(d)  if Florida State has a losing record or is out of the national
championship picture, the game may be canceled because of apathy.

NHASED's Heisman Endorsement

In 2000, NHASED officially endorses Florida State University's Chris Weinke for the Heisman Trophy.
Please visit the Chris Weinke for Heisman Web Page

Hated Arch-Rivals for the Acronym - NHASED
Nautical Hassidic Acrobat Spill Engineering Department
Neutered Hotdog Association, Sebum Etching Division
National Historians, Anthropologists, and Sociologists who are Easily Discouraged
Nerds Held Awestruck Simply Entering Dungeons
"Never Heard A Sound Ear Disorder" Institute
Nun Held Accused of Shooting Elvis Dead
Network Hacking And E-mail Deleting Co. (see trademark infringement accusation, and NHASED's (us) response)

Aldrich Ames
Chief Executive Officer, NHASED Co.
East Cascade Ave.
River Falls, Wisconsin

Dear Sir or Madam,

It has come to my attention that our company's brand name, NHASED, or
Network Hacking And System Email Deleting Co. has been used without prior
written consent of The NHASED Co. (hereafter "NHASED").

Yeiss & Woungman, NHASED's acting legal agent, is requesting on
behalf of NHASED that you remove any and all references of NHASED
from any business cards, letterheads, logo merchandise, etc.
NHASED is also requesting that you to cease any advertising, marketing
or sales efforts which are not directly related to the Network Hacking And
System Email Deleting Co. brand name.

We have also contacted Jerry Nadeau and Buckshot Jones to demand that any
NHASED logo be removed from their racing automobiles, uniforms, and the
like. The National Assoc. of Stock Car Auto Racing has also been sent an
electronic copy of your logo as we thought they may be interested in
possible copyright infringements.

In other words, we're out to nail your little butt to the wall, punk.

We're gonna put you in prison, throw away the key, and serve you nothing but
mashed potatoes.

Sincerely,
A. Ames
NHASED

Andrew C. Brady
Commissioner, NHASED
College Ave.
Tallahassee, FL

Mr. Ames,

I received your letter concerning our infringement on the NHASED trademark.  Our
institution, the National Handicapper's Association, Southeast Division has been
operational since July of 1996.  I dare say that our date of origin is well
before the inception of the Network Hacking and System Email Deleting Co.
Therefore, sir, YOU are in violation of the NHASED brand name and will suffer
all consequences.

I have contacted Yeiss & Woungman (who are on our waiting list, by the way), and
given them our demands.

Jerry Nadeau and Buckshot Jones have been reached, and will continue to wear
NHASED logos during all Winston Cup events.  NASCAR has also tendered their
consent for us to disfigure their logo to meet our needs.

I have contacted the Microsoft Corporation for your violation of their personal
e-mail servers, and Bill Gates (former-NHASED member), has given me his word
that he will hold you and your family personally liable.

I have also contacted the FBI and the ATF regarding illegal gambling at your
establishment.  This should end your network hacking and email deleting for
good.

Thank you and good day,
Andrew