When writing about the origins of Christianity, don't forget that you are writing an academic paper, engaging in historical research. I realize that we have students of many different religions and students of no religion, but I cannot ignore the fact that Christianity is the most popular form of religion here in Panama, and so many students are used to taking the truth of Christian belief for granted in their essays. Consider the following:

The immaculate birth of a baby boy called Jesus Christ, from a virgin Mary and Joseph, a Jewish couple, marked a special time in history.

I suspect that the student who wrote this does not understand what is meant by talking about the immaculate conception: this does not refer to the conception of Jesus, but to the belief that Mary herself was unstained by original sin from the moment when she was conceived by her own parents. In any case, these religious doctrines cannot be incorporated into a historical narrative without some qualification. For example you could write:

Christians, myself included, believe that Jesus was born from a virgin named Mary. But whether or not his birth was miraculous, it is certain that his life marked an important turning point in the history of Judaism.

That way, you do not deny your religious beliefs, but you keep them separate from your historical analysis.

Now on to issues of understanding:

We already know that Christianity and Judaism are similar religions in many ways. They both believe in the same God and started in the same culture and people. They also believe that ...Adam and Eve were the first humans to walk in the earth and also the first sinners that condemned humanity to live in the earth and a fight for salvation.

There is an interesting issue here. Jews in the time of Jesus hoped for salvation, and Christians say that Jesus offered salvation. However, the meaning of the word 'salvation' is not the same in each case. The Jewish belief was that God would keep his nation safe. The Christian belief is that God will save people from hell. That difference, and the reason for the change, is worth commenting on.

Finally, choose your sources carefully:

Considering the importance they [the Pharisees] put upon tradition and the Torah, as well held high into consideration purity and cleanliness (Jesus and the Pharisees). They were considered by many people to be greedy and self-righteous group and in fact many people did not like them on a personal level. They nonetheless commanded a high level of respect from the general population including Jesus himself.

Of course, the Gospel writers did not like the Pharisees, but do we have any independent evidence to support the view that many people thought the Pharisees were greedy? Josephus tells us that the Pharisees were admired for their thrifty lifestyle. The negative stereotypes about the Pharisees are hard to justify on historical grounds.
The student did cite a source, a paper from an organization called lastdays.org. Check out their home-page and ask yourself: is this a good, reliable source of information? Objective? Academic?

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