REL 1300 Spring 2010, Highlights and Lowlights of Paper 1

Do you really want to say that?

First, I'll point out some little details:

Parvati if who clams Siva...


I eventually figured out that this means "Parvati is the one who calms Siva..."

...also she is a central importance in tantrums.

This one is easier to figure out "...also, she is of central importance in tantras."


In the beginning, there was no mythology; there was no art. There was only experience.


Students often like to take essays all the way back to the beginning, or the dawn of humanity, or sometimes the start of time itself. Don't do this unless it is essential: it often leads to grand claims that are hard to verify. This statement is more contentious than you might think: is there such a thing as raw, unconceptualized experience, older than art? Was Kant wrong then, when he claimed that intuitions without concepts are blind? There is a big philosophical issue at stake here. I don't say that it is wrong to suppose experience precedes art and mythology, only that it should not be stated as if it were a self-evident truth, especially when the essay does not require it.


Most of the time people begin to devote to a god so they can show that they are grateful for all the wealth and the life that they have.


The trouble lies in the words "Most of the time." I have no doubt that gratitude is an important source of religious feelings, but is it the predominant one? Many people have no wealth to be grateful for, lead wretched lives, and yet are very religious. Of course, in an essay on Sri Laksmi, it makes sense to focus on gratitude, including gratitude for one's wealth, as a source of religious devotion. The phrase "Most of the time ..." was probably used without much care and attention. But you should re-read your essays, looking out for little details like this, and fixing them. I notice these seemingly minor points because I read your essays carefully, and take every comment seriously. You should read your essays with at least as much care as I do before you hand them in.

Composition:

In general, the biggest problem with most of these papers was Composition - by which I mean the ability to organise the material.

First, do pay close attention to the question. One student wrote a good essay about the decline of Dyaus Pitr. The trouble is, he is a god not a goddess, and so I cannot give credit for the paper. Some paper simply compiled information about some goddess, without any indication that there was an underlying plan.

Consider this, as a concluding paragraph:

The worship of Durga doesn't end here. Durga is a god worshiped in the form of a mighty warrior goddess by many rulers for their success in battle. "The worship of weapons was also part of this festival many times." (Kinsley, 106).

The phrasing is a little odd. Durga is a mighty warrior goddess: why say she is a god in the form of such a goddess? Still, the information about Durga is correct - but why is this the conclusion of the essay? Surely, one of the first things you would want to say about Durga is that she is a mighty warrior. Worship of the weapons should be mentioned somewhere, and Kinsley should certainly be cited as a source. But why the need for a direct quotation? There is nothing particularly memorable about this sentence from Kinsley's book. Use direct quotations when the exact words that an author used are a matter of importance. And why should these be the final words of your paper? The conclusion is the punch-line, it is where you sum up everything you have learned. In the body of the essay, you give the evidence - here is where you mention details like the worship of weapons. The conclusion is where you state what general lessons you have drawn.

Or consider this:

According to my research, Durga is a well known goddess in Bengal, India. She is supposed to destroy all types of evil forces, that's why she has eighteen arms with different weapons. Her worship is mostly made on Tuesdays. It is said that she was born when the energy of all the fires mixed. She appears in the famous text the Devi Mahatmya.

Well, that's some information you could use in preparing a Facebook page for Durga, but all it amounts to is a bunch of facts. Why are these particular facts so important that they merit a mention in the conclusion?

Here's an analogy. In old detective films, there would be a final scene where the detective gathers everyone in the room, discusses all the clues, and then reveals who the real culprit was. "Yeah", he says, "And I would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for you meddling kids and your dog." That is a satisfying ending. But for it to work, it is not enough that the detective mention lots of details - she is demonstrating how all of these details can be used to reveal the true culprit.

 "You see Watson, the fact that the dog did not bark indicates that the person who entered was familiar to him, not a stranger." "Astounding Holmes." That works.
"You see Watson, Lord Fauntleroy was wearing a new hat when he was killed." "And what do we learn from that?" "I don't know, I just thought it was a nice hat..." That doesn't work.

Learn from Freddy and Velma. You need to see clues, not just random facts, and before you start writing, you need a plan. You need to know what conclusion you are going to present at the end - and then everything in the paper should be helping you to reach that conclusion.

A better conclusion:


I am very glad I've been able to write this essay because I learned a lot about Hinduism and what its followers believe. We might think our beliefs are the only ones that are real. But this is certainly wrong. In the process of writing this essay I've learned about the beliefs of a culture completely different from mine. I really thought that the value of women in India's society was not being recognized, but we can now see how they praise goddesses more than any other religion and any other of their gods. They have plenty of reasons for their devotion to female divinities, they think of them as mothers, because they know they can be both loving and cruel, but if they worship them correctly there should be no fear. This is why goddesses are so important in this culture. Their worshipers feel safe because they know they have someone they could count on, someone who would listen to them and help them in their everyday needs.


This conclusion isn't perfect. If I set you an essay about Hinduism and what its followers believe, I don't need you to tell me at the end that you learned a lot about Hinduism and what its followers believe. That kind of comment is more suitable to a high-school paper. Nor do you need to mention that you were learning about a different culture: what else would you learn about in a cross-cultural class? But, unlike the previous examples, it is clear that the student has been asking, "So, at the end of all this, what did I learn?" The final sentences bring together points that were established throughout the essay - about, for example, the role of mothers, about love, cruelty and fear. The facts that justify these comments have already been stated and analysed, now we have a concluding synthesis.


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